Drink, and sing the TMNT theme song, every time the story reminds us that Yuffie is a teenage ninja.
Take a shot every time the plot gets derailed by food.
Serious alcoholics only: Drink for every instance of Engrish.
Reffie's First Date
by Jillian Leonhart
Cid: At least we know who to blame.
Yuffie: Great, an FF8 fangirl, this should be dignified.
Vincent: About as dignified as you are.
Disclaimer: I own nothing…
Cloud: Really? Absolutely nothing, not even a computer? Did some homeless person come in off the streets and use the library’s computer to write this?
Reeve: What a shameless waste of government resources.
Aerith: Owned nothing...not even clothes?
Barret: I think a naked homeless guy would probably write something more interesting.
A/n: I reposted this, due to the ridiculous amount of grammatical error…
Tseng: Really? I shudder to think of what it looked like before.
"Okay Reno. This, is already much too long…"
Reno: That’s what they all say.
...said Yuffie to herself with rather angry tone.
She was waiting for Reno in Wonder Square that newly builds in Edge.
Barret: Well, I guess if the shantytown of Corel can have an amusement park.
Cid: Let me guess, they don't plan to rebuild their economy by charging for this one either, right?
RedXIII: So any time Shinra trashes a native town, the villagers have to resort to building a casino? ...Uncomfortable commentary.
But Reno, was taking his sweet time for making the teenage ninja rooting there waiting for him.
Yuffie: I’ve been here so long, I’m putting down roots.
She crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. Her knee-length boot knocking the concrete impatiently.
She closed her dark-chocolate eyes," Reno-boy…If I count to five, and your stupid red-head hasn't come to my vision, I swear my shuriken will find its way to your pretty-stupid face…"she mumbled to herself. And she started counting.
Vincent: Von! Two! Three misplaced hyphens, ah-ah-ah...
At the count of five, she finally opened her eyes, just to meet with all-too-familiar aquamarine.
Reeve: What’s with the close up? Is the author using a wide angle lens?
Stare at her with that mock innocent. A small smirk creeps on the red-head lips, as he saw the teen-age ninja pouting.
Aerith: And remember, folks, this is the corrected version.
"Longing for me?"
Yuffie threw a punch to Reno's unprotected chest.
"Ouch! That's hurt, yo!"
"I know, and I don't give a damn!
Yuffie: Frankly, my dear.
You know Re, I hate waiting!" she said, threw her face away from him.
Barret: She threw her face away?
Reeve: Disposable faces! New from Shinra Inc.
Oh…Poor Yuffie.She didn't know how Reno looks incredibly super-cool today…Tossing his Turk suit, he wear a red-blood t-shirt, and navy jeans jacket (that,ofcourse unbuttoned), a pair of baggy black-trouser,...
Reno: Which were also unbuttoned.
...and a navy sneakers. His pilot Google now was dangling casually on his neck.
Reno: I must have used google maps with my Pilot Google. It would explain why I’m late.
Tseng: Why, did it tell you to slow down so a motorcycle could fly through your helicopter?
Seriously, we didn't make this shit up. Watch Advent Children: Complete
How incredibly SUPER COOL!!!But poor Yuffie, she hasn't seen him yet.
Yuffie: Apparently I didn’t need to see him to hit him. I just swatted at the air blindly and got lucky.
Aeris: Maybe you could see him better if he wasn’t an inch away from your eyeballs.
"Hey...Come on Yuff.I'm only 10 minutes late…"
"10 minutes, 5 seconds." she corrected," And don't call me Yuff! It's like calling Cloud, Clo!"
Reno: Well then why the fuck are you calling me “Re”?
Tifa: I would say this was supposed to be hypocritical humour, but then I remembered what I was reading.
Reno almost laughs at her answer,"Hmph...Okay…How about 'sugar'?" he smirked as he forced her to look at him. And finally, Yuffie saw, how incredibly super-cool, Reno without his Turks suit (even in his Turks suit, he's still super-cool)…
Cloud: He’s really not.
"Want some ice cream?"
Aerith: Disembodied nod.
"Hey Re, you know what am I going to do if you make me waiting any longer back then?"Yuffie now was licking her strawberry-mint ice cream.
"Don't want to know…"
"But, I want you to know!"
"But I don't want to know…"
Tseng: My thoughts exactly.
"I do, want to know your ice cream flavor…"he said, crushing his lips to the Wutain girl's.
Yuffie: Uhhh...to my what? Do I want to know?
Yuffie was taken aback by this sudden action. Eyes wide open. Reno on the other side was enjoying the sweet strawberry-mint ice cream, melting with the soft skin of Yuffie's lip.
Yuffie: Aaaagh, my lips are melting!
"I'd prefer chocolate-mint…"he said as he backed away, winking.
"Ouch! What's that for?!" he grunted, rubbing his reddening cheek.
"Then why were you slapping me?"
Tseng: Because there’s always a good reason to.
"Hum…Because…I want to tease you…"
"What's so fun about teasing a Turk?"
"You're cute when you got angry…"
Reno: You wouldn’t like me when I’m got angry.
Reno's eyebrow knit at the mention of 'cute'…
"I'm not cute!"
Reno: Hulk not cute!
"Then, what are you?"
"I'm sexy…"he said, winking.
Cloud: This story stops at nothing! ...And stays there.
"Whatever…Hey Re, lets take a ride on the new Roller Coaster! They say it was the longest, the fastest, the…whatever! Roller Coater in the world!!!"
"Everything for you babe…..Wait!...Roller WHAT?!!"
Reno: No, seriously, roller what? Coater? Is it a high-speed fashion machine?
Too late…Reno already was being dragged by a hyper teen-age ninja, to the Deadly Roller Coaster.
Cid: Heroes on a half-shell!
Reeve: Turtle Power!
1 hour and ten minutes later, Reno's limp body lie in the locket entrance. He forced to open his eyes. Using all of his remaining lifepoint, after riding his 10th Roller Coaster, forced by Yuffie.
"Yuffie, goodbye…I love you…"
Vincent: You know the coaster doesn't actually shoot back at you, right?
"Quit joking Reno! Come on…That was fun! What's making you half dead like this?"
Reno: I dunno, usually I fly helicopters upside down over terrorist lairs, you’d think I’d be cool.
"First, I can't feel my body.Second, I think I'm flying.
Cloud: Did the roller coaster give him drugs?
Third, I think I'm going to die, and I prefer to die 'cause of your spiky friend, than 'cause losing half of my brain after riding that 'cursed thing' more than 10 times…and Forth…"he never got a chance to finish his last sentences, because Yuffie was already dragging him to a nearby café.
By five minutes, all live had back to Reno.
Tseng: This is the edited version.
Now the couple were having a lunch in Moogle'D.Reno was enjoying his 5th French fries, when Yuffie spoke,
"You are horrible…"she said, sucking her diet coke.
"'Bout what?" he blunted, with mouth full.
Barret: About murdering 7 million people in the Sector 7 slums. And eating too many fries.
"You eat like it's the last meal you'd got, and Sephy is chasing you behind.
Cloud: Well, in all fairness, Sephiroth is chasing everyone’s behind.
How can you didn't gain a weight?"
Yuffie: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Aerith: Are you kidding me? I’ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can!
RedXIII: Stop! Stop...my brain hurts.
Vincent: ….go back to the story. It made more sense.
"Come on Yuffie babe, I'm destined to be sexier than that spiky…Nothing can make me 'unsexy'…"Some sauce spilled on the corner of his lips.
"Ahahaha…Don't talk with your mouth full…"She leaned closer to clean the sauce with tissue.
Yuffie: I got tissues from failing the Battle Arena.
When she drew her hand back, Reno stopped her and keeps her hand in his cheek.
Cloud: In his cheek?
Reeve: Like a hamster.
Leaning on it.
"So, Am I sexy or not?" he stared at Yuffie right in her dark-chocolate eyes.Yuffie felt like melting right away. Her hearts skipped a bit.
Barret: Hearts, plural? She’s a Time Lord?
Aerith: Or maybe she’s Link.
"Wha—whatever!!"She drew her hand back, nervously, and took a deep gulp from her coke. Reno chuckled.
"Now, it looks like you are back to normal, since you already can tease me like that. Come on! We still have something to ride on!!"
Reno: Wow, on the first date? Awesome!
All colors in Reno's face, were dried out by something at the mention of 'something to ride on'.
Tifa: And blood squirted out of his nose in a comical fashion.
Yuffie didn't give a damn, and continue drag him to another 'cursed thing'.
A/N: Guess that's the first chap…I reposted it 'cus I make a hell lots of grammatical errors…
Vincent: Yes, remember that this is the edited version.
Billion thanks to Darkeiko and Leane Mee for the review…
Tseng: Thanks a lot for the help on the story, assholes. Your help really improved it.
I hope I get better now…Oh,and just for your information, I'm an Indonesian. But that's hardly an excuse for my mistake last time…Anyway, review please. So I can get better…oh, and feed back is welcomed as well…
Cloud: How about heartless mockery? Is that welcome too? ‘Cause that’s really all we’re good for.
Tifa: At least she’s trying; that puts her leagues ahead of our usual “native English” writers.
For Darkeiko: Thankiess for your review…It's too bad You don't have an account so i can't PM you…Please give me a piece of your mind after you read this…
Reeve: Please scold and berate me after you read this. Thankiess!
Am I still made some mistake somewhere?
Aeris: This guy are sick.
Cloud: Attack while it’s tail’s up!
If so, please do review again…I really appreciate it…
For Leana Mee: You too...I'll wait for your review...Thankiess...
Cid: Thankiesss God, it’s over.
Cid: Oh, Fuck!
Elena: (pops into the room and strolls in) Hey guys? What are you up to?
Tseng and Reno: Elena, no!
Elena: Huh? (Doors slam behind her)
Drinking Game 2.0
Take a sip for every time you wonder what Elena did to deserve this.
Take a shot for every reference to casual domestic violence.
Finish your drink and start another one every time Yuffie reminds you of one of your ex-girlfriends.
If you’ve given up drinking for Lent, take a shot every time you sympathize with Yuffie. (You won’t.)
Barret: Shit, there’s more than one?
Dedicated to Gemini Ninja, because she has been so supportive of an authoress...
Tifa: Is “authoress” a real word?
Tifa: Well it still sounds stupid.
...who was willing to give up. Thankies, Spades!
Vincent: (glances at Barret) You’re not offended by that comment?
Barret: Uh, should I be? I don’t even know what the hell it means.
Vincent: ….. Never mind.
Cid: Basically, the story dropped an old timey “N-word” on you.
Barret: Oh. Um, grrr? I guess I’d be more offended if I weren’t the only black guy on the planet.
Aerith: Or if all of Vincent’s slang wasn’t from the 17th century.
Don't, Don't even think about it
Please, please let's just talk this out
I know, I know that we can make it through this
Tifa: I know, I know that the story is skipping.
Reeve: Why, why was I programmed to feel pain?
Just give me one chance
Just let me apologize
Reno: No...can we leave now?
Tseng: You can apologize, but it doesn’t change the fact that you posted this story.
So I was sitting on the guest bed, my scrawny arms wrapped around a stuffed white tiger that I'd had since I was a kid when Tifa knocked on the door. I knew it was Tifa because of the gentle raps in contrast to Cloud's three knocks and the calling of my name or HIS habit of walking in uninvited.
Yuffie: I said I was in my bunk, Cloud, go away!
Cloud: But we have a mission to--
Tifa: “In her bunk”, Cloud.
Cloud: ...Oh. Sorry.
I honestly didn't want to talk and was planning on refusing when she walked right on in anyway. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Tifa and all... But ever since she'd returned from her trip to Mideel, she'd been stuck up Cloud's ass...
Barret: Isn’t that where we all travel on the overworld map anyway?
...and hadn't really paid any attention to the rest of us - namely me.
Cloud: Nobody pays any attention to you, Yuffie, you’re the 1/35th Soldier doll of this game. You can try to collect it, but it never becomes useful.
Cid: If the 1/35th Soldier doll stole all your shit and got kidnapped.
Yuffie: You are never gonna let that go, are you?
I guess the scene we caused earlier that day made her think about me.
Alright, let me explain. A certain person that I once loathed returned. I hated her with the passion of a hundred-thousand fire ants boiling in lava.
RedXIII: Are boiled fire ants particularly passionate?
Aerith: I think they would just be dead.
That's a lot of hatred going toward one human being, but I believe she deserved it.
Elena: What did I do? Do you have a motive?
You see, Elena has to be THE dumbest thing to ever walk the planet.
Elena: Well, fuck you too!
Reno: What, are you jealous because Don Corneo liked Elena more?
Yuffie: Ugh, god no!
Cloud: You did kind of give away Shinra’s plans. Several times.
Elena: At least I’m canon, she’s fucking optional!
No, no, I'm not exaggerating. Better yet, she honestly thought that she had a Popsicle's chance in HELL with my boyfriend.
Elena: Pffft....in his dreams.
Funny, right? Well, it was until my boyfriend decided to get snappy with me. Dumb, dumb, dumb...
Reeve: Did you mean, ‘Dun, Dun, Dunnn’?
I had been dating Reno since we'd saved the world - AGAIN - from Sephiroth and his little wanna-be's three years before. A Turk dating the Princess and Heiress of Wutai was, well, unacceptable until said princess - yeah, that's me - threw herself a merry little hissy fit in front of Godo and Chekov and all the others.
All: Have yourself, a merry little hissy fit / Let your rage be known / From now on your troubles will be overblown / Have yourself, a merry little hissy fit / Make your father cringe / When you're done, people will know you've come unhinged...
I got my way and Reno and I had quite an interesting relationship.
Elena: Anyone interested yet?
The one thing that I could not stand about him was his drinking habit.
Yuffie: He wouldn’t share!
I had begged and pleaded for him to at least slow down the drinking, which had been the source for so many fights. I mean knock-down-drag-out fights. I get violent when I'm angry and he gets violent when he's drunk. I think most of Junon heard us when he came home drunk.
Barret: If you’re pissing off Junon with your domestic disturbances, you deserve whatever bullet holes you get.
He had been planning on going out and getting drunk with Elena, Rude, and some girl named Trin.
Tifa: Rude was there? Yuffie, sweetie, I think your jealousy is directed toward the wrong person.
Firstly, he didn't tell me ahead of time that he was going to make plans on our anniversary of defeating Sephiroth...
Yuffie: We didn’t defeat Sephiroth together.
Cloud: Technically you didn’t defeat him at all, you sat up on the airship calling Cid a sexist. While stealing my Materia again.
...so I kinda took it for granted that he was going to be my date to the festivities in Midgar.
Tseng: How dare he celebrate the day his coworker survived the torture cave of hell.
Reno: Stupidity aside, that’s a weird anniversary.
Cloud: But one that would plausibly be celebrated or memorialized, I suppose.
Vincent: There was dancing in the streets when they turned the internet back on, people will celebrate anything.
Secondly, he knew that I hated Elena and that I had a habit of getting jealous easily, especially if I didn't like or didn't know the company he was going to be in. Trin was one of Elena's friends, therefore she automatically scored low in my book.
"Yuffie, I'm going out with Rude...
Cid: We already knew that.
Reno: Fuck you, like you have room to talk, “Chief.”
...Elena, and Trin, I'll be back in the morning, don't wait up," he told me, leaning in to give me a kiss. I leaned away and looked at him, causing him to pause. "What's wrong, babe?"
"What's wrong?" I asked dumbly, shooting him an 'Oh-my-fucking-GAWD' look.
Yuffie: Would that be anything like a ‘Dude-ur-so-retarded’ look?
"Uhm, we're going with Tifa and Cloud to meet up with everyone else in Midgar today, remember?
Reno: Obviously I didn’t remember because you didn’t fucking tell me!
Yuffie: How dare you forget the thing I never told you!
Besides, I thought you were going to cut back on the drinking. And you know that I don't like Elena. And who the fuck is Trin?"
Tseng: Good question.
He shrugged. "Sorry, I forgot. I'm not canceling on them, though, so you'll have to go by yourself this time." He leaned in yet again to kiss me and I put my hand over his lips, glaring up into his emerald eyes. "What now?" he asked, although it was muffled by my hand.
"What now?" I asked incredulously. My temper was flaring. It was bad enough that he had spent the past two nights getting drunk with Rude and Elena, but he was going to cancel on me?
Elena: It’s not our fault you’re too young to hold your liquor.
"Are you fucking stupid, Reno? You're canceling something that has been planned for four months, something with your girlfriend, to go out and get drunk with Rude, a bitch that I hate, and some chick I don't know? And I'm supposed to be perfectly fine with that?" I was screaming, but I couldn't stop myself. "You promised that you were going to stop drinking and you promised that there was going to be less of you being home at four in the morning!
Reno: Oh, so it’s gone from ‘slow my drinking down’ to ‘stop drinking’. These demands just keep getting worse and worse!
...You promised me that I would get to fall asleep with you every night, dammit! Fucking hells, Reno!"
His temper flared too, I could tell. "Well excuse me for wanting to be with my friends!" he yelled back.
Reno: Well excuuuuse me, Princess!
Elena: Sorry, who is supposed to be the sympathetic character in this story?
I could feel the tears already stinging my eyes as I turned and stormed back toward the room we shared. He stood there in the living room of his apartment I was sharing with him temporarily, watching me. I could feel his eyes boring into my back, but I refused to look at him. I was probably lucky that he wasn't drunk during that fight, else things would have gotten very violent, very quickly.
Reno: Hey! I don’t beat women when I’m drunk, I fuck them!
I grabbed my small knapsack and threw some clothes into, grabbed my stuffed white tiger, and headed back out to the living room.
Vincent: I think the stuffed tiger is the real star of this story. It’s a much more relatable character.
"What are you doing, Yuffie?" he asked with something of a sigh.
"Leaving," I replied simply, walking out of the apartment. It wasn't until I was standing out on the street that I realized I had forgotten my toothbrush and other girly items.
Aerith: A toothbrush is a “girly” item?
Cloud: Because only women brush their teeth?
Cursing loudly to myself, I headed to Tifa's apartment, praying that she was there.
Yuffie: So I could lock myself in her bedroom and ignore her.
So, that gets me back to the beginning of my story. Tifa walked right on into the room I was staying in and sat down at the foot of the guest bed I was sitting on. I looked at her, tears threatening to fall for the umpteen-millionth time that day.
"Gawd, I hate him," I told her softly.
Reno: Gawd, I hate dating a fucking valley girl.
She smiled encouragingly at me. "Be strong, Yuffs. Maybe he'll come around."
I shook my head. "I don't think that I want him to," I half-whispered. "Not even if he came back begging with the sincerest apologies, with flowers and chocolates."
Cid: No, stop right there. That is exactly what you fucking want. This isn’t what women want, but this is what your deluded Hallmark generation believes in as a definition of love. You don’t speak for every human being with ovaries, you addlepated Lifetime Movie junkie.
Tifa: Wow, that was surprisingly enlightened of you.
Cid: I live with a genius female engineer, you think I don’t know a tiny bit about real women?
I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, "I don't want to fight anymore. It just hurts too damn much!"
Tifa: I'm just enjoying the fact that there's a fanfic where I'm not the jealous, clingy, possessive bitch.
Cloud: ...Me too.
And all Tifa could do was wrap her arms around me and hug me, promising that everything would be all right between Reno and me... But, honestly, I didn't want everything to be all right... I didn't want it to be anything at all...
Reno: And good riddance...no offense, Yuff.
Yuffie: None taken, this version of me is a stupid bitch.
Tifa: (sigh) She’s depicted as one of those insufferable girls who date “projects”. They know full well what they’re getting into, but still think they can fix the bad boy.
Cid: Aren’t you dating a “project” yourself.
Tifa: Partially, but I don’t constantly browbeat him into reforming himself, I just sort of wait patiently for him to come around.
Cid: Ah, so you just take the lazy approach.
YK2: Okies, whatcha think? I'm totally going to TRY to continue this one. If nothing else, I think I kinda like it as a one-shot, whatcha think, oh muse of mine?
Surka: I think you suck at writing and need to give up so I can get so sleep, woman!
Vincent: Even the voices in your head know better than you.
YK2: Meh, no one asked you... Please review!
Yuffie: I’m going to beg for reviews and then berate those who do so!
MSTers’ Note: Mel Gibson had a better idea of “what women want” than this story.
Touched by an Angle --------------------------->